Kudos to the law officers of Southern California.

You guys have a great deal more patience than I would, under similar circumstances.

WARNING: EXTREMELY LONG, ANGER-FILLED, BARELY-EDITED-ONCE, STREAM-OF-CONSCIOUSNESS-TYPE POST AHEAD

This post will severely tax my ability to express myself without going into Tourette's syndrome. Morons like this cause my trigger finger to twitch.

I'm not gonna link to anything (yet), but if you've watched any news since about 1300 EST, you know about The Moron. They may have revealed his name since I turned off my TV and left my room, but I don't care. His name, from here on out, will be The Moron.

The Moron decided to break just about every traffic law known to man, endanger probably ten thousand people, and snub his nose at authority all at the same time. Allegedly, The Moron started the day by ransacking his parents' house (if it's true, nobody knows why yet) and stealing their car. The Moron then proceeded to drive down several Los Angeles area interstate highways at speeds ranging from 20ish to 120ish.

More than a dozen cops followed The Moron for more than an hour, their hands tied by laws preventing the necessary action. I know a large amount of them were from the California Highway Patrol, and I believe also LA County, Orange County, LAPD, and probably dozens of local law enforcement agencies as well. They finally stopped him off the highway, at a store somewhere. Why The Moron decided to stop there is unknown to me, they're probably in the process of finding out all this crap as I write.

I was flipping back and forth between FoxNews and CNN during this whole episode, which conveniently started right as I was going to lunch, and ended right before I had to go back to work. Now, I will begin attempting to put all my angry thoughts into a coherent, readable form. Let's go.

Firstly, I would just like it to be known that The Moron is extremely lucky that I am not an officer of the CHP. Because if I was, right now The Moron would be dead. When I tuned in to the story, they had been chasing him for a short while, and he was waving random body parts out the window while driving. Now let's get something straight. I was a punk stupid teenager once. Have I driven down the road with the cruise control on, sitting on my windowsill (do cars have windowsills?) steering with one knee? Sure have. Did I endanger anyone besides myself while doing so? Nope. Have I driven 120 mph on a freeway? Not sure, my Escort topped out around 105- but I have done that in a 65, and if my car went 120, well that's what I would've done. Did I endanger others while doing so? Moderately, perhaps. Were the cops chasing me at the time? Nope- and if they were, my scared self would've freaked out- and then stopped, and accepted my punishment like a man. Have I had half my body out the top of a sunroof in a vehicle doing 90 mph? sigh Yup. Was I driving said vehicle? Of course not. Was it 30° on a Michigan December evening? Yup. Did my best friend, who was driving, turn on his windshield washers and mess me up good? Heh. Yup.

Geez, that was cold. Brrr.

Anyway. This post isn't about Happy Memories™, it's about The Moron. The Moron did all these things, weaving in and out of traffic, with about a dozen cop cars chasing him, in speeds varying from 90, to 40, to 70, to 20, to 100+, whatever he felt like that particular second. It's okay, The Moron. It's your world, none of us little people matter.

That's become a major problem in America. A great deal of people show such a degree of selfishness that they believe that their actions don't influence other people, or maybe they know, and they just don't care. The Moron is one or the other. It's time for The Moron to learn a valuable life lesson or twelve. Hopefully if he gets slammed good and hard it'll convince a few potential Morons out there to think twice before exhibiting careless, selfish behavior.

Oh, wait, I forgot. This is The People'sActivist Judges' Republik of Kalifornia we're talking about here. I heard somebody, after The Moron stopped his car, that the judges here don't take this lightly, that he would not get off with a slap on the wrist. No, they are going to throw the book at him. He'll receive a lengthy jail term.

Good. Publicize every second of The Moron's trial, like you did with Michael Jackson, and Martha Stewart, and OJ, and a bunch of other people I couldn't care less about. Let real people see what happens when an average guy (read: not celebrity) breaks this many laws, this flagrantly, in front of this many people. Put your cameras in his jail cell once a day and remind the potential Morons just what happens when you pull this stuff.

Naw... not the MSM. Maybe we can some bloggers to report on him daily.

But as to the guy who's confident that The Moron will rot in jail for a good little while- I'll believe that when I see it. And I want to see it. I want it to happen, and I want to watch.

But I don't think it'll happen. Not in California.

FoxNews had a former West Virginia state trooper named Ric Robinson call up. Maybe they called him, I don't know. He is now officially a cool guy. He voiced over international TV what I was screaming at my TV. That the officers showed remarkable restraint, even though The Moron's defense attorney will undoubtedly cry and pout how his actions were forced because the cops were following him. That the rules and regulations slapped on cops to keep them from using a little too much force keep them from quickly capturing criminals.

...

He said lots of other outstanding things, but I can't remember them. Too bad I couldn't liveblog this. Anyway.

I'm all about there being rules to keep cops from having too much power. Same thing with soldiers. Same thing with lawmakers and judges- unfortunately, while the rules restraining soldiers work very well, the ones for cops are way too restrictive. And the ones for the legislature and judiciary are not enforced. Not any more, anyway.

Hmm. That's a rant for a different day. Back to The Moron.

Did I mention that The Moron is lucky I wasn't one of those cops? I have a soldier's mentality. Now, I'm not hyping myself up. I spent seven months in the 'Stan... fixing radars. I've never fired my weapon at the enemy. Or anyone, for that matter. I've never seen combat, and the Army has never put me in a position where I was scared for my life. But when it comes to defending myself, my fellow soldiers, and innocent noncombatants, I will kill whoever asks for it, within my rules of engagement. There are situations and places where if somebody needed killin', I couldn't just pop them. However, if they show themselves to be a tangible threat to me or other soldiers, I am authorized to shoot to kill. Depending on the situation, of course. Some situations I'd be allowed to open fire to protect civilians. But the key thing is, when I see someone acting in a manner that will possibly or probably get somebody killed, my first instinct is to remove their ability to do so.

Usually that requires them to give up their life. Sucks to be them.

So. My appreciation and admiration goes out to every one of those cops. They showed much more restraint then I would've- or could've. I don't think my aforementioned "soldier's mentality" would allow me to be a cop. I would've handled this situation very quickly.

"Hmm... The Moron is driving erratically, weaving in and out of traffic, not making any attempt to keep control of his vehicle... hmm. Option 1. Shoot him now. Nope, can't. Cars ahead of him. Innocent civilians. Might miss. Hit them. Bad. Option 2. Have helicopter land on him. Nope, can't. Might hurt pilot. Option 3. Get in front, slam on brakes. Yep. That'll work."

Y'know, I meant to blog about this, but I didn't get around to it. Perfect time to mention it now. A couple days ago I saw a bit of a COPS-like show on Spike-TV, or something. Basically had this guy (The Moron's older brother, I'd guess) running from the cops in a pickup. They threw out the spikes and flattened all four of his tires. He was driving on the rims and this genius decided to get on the freeway, going the wrong way. He could only manage about 15 miles an hour, but still. He was going. The. Wrong. Way. The cops following him asked permission to box him in, and when they got it, one bravely risked his own safety to run the guy into the wall.

I would've shot him afterward.

Now understand, I would never shoot at someone who I was 100% certain was trying to surrender and was no longer a threat to me or anyone else. It's not about revenge, or dishing out justice. As a cop, that's not your job. The justice system, flawed and corrupt as it is in some places, must be trusted to do what's right. Same thing as a soldier, if I caught some POWs. Killing them once they're surrendered is beyond my jurisdiction.

But (moving back to The Moron's older brother's situation) let there be the slightest chance that the guy has a gun. The. Slightest. Chance. I will unload on him, and them reload my weapon, just in case he's not dead.

Cops have lots of rules clamping down on potential bad cop behavior, for good reason. Criminals do have rights, even after they're sent to jail. One of them is the right to not be killed for no reason by a cop who's just having a bad day.

But if you run from the cops- especially in a manner that endangers them, and thousands of civilians- you lose those rights.

Now, I don't know what the law says here. Even if it agrees with me, I know that in a place like California especially, a reasonable shooting like that would land a good cop in jail. So they have to be very, often unnecessarily, careful. In being forced to do so, they put themselves in danger, and allow civilians to be out in danger as well. All for the rights of a Moron whose idea of fun is careening down a busy interstate, flipping off cops.

I would've killed him.

No, you don't understand. I don't throw those words around lightly. I would've killed him.

You still ain't gettin' it. You put my life in danger? My wife could be driving herself and the kids around while you wanna act the fool? You play dice with 10,000 other motorists' lives?

I. WILL. KILL. YOU.

Let's change the subject. I'm gettin' pissed off again. The Moron isn't even in the news anymore. Not the Top Story™, anyway.

Let's talk about punishment for The Moron, since those kind (though he's probably cussing them right now) and patient cops didn't kill him.

That guy (whoever he was) said he'll get some serious jail time. Good. But let's talk about reimbursements, shall we?

First of all, I think that any crime that causes superfluous police work should be paid in full by the criminal, if it turns out that he's guilty. Ordinary, open-and-shut crimes, no big deal. That's what we pay detectives and forensics guys for. But if the cops are chasing you, and you know it, and you don't stop? The timer starts running, just like a taxicab. If a dozen cop cars have to chase you, you have to pay back all their fuel costs. I heard that there were many more police cars involved- blocking off the onramps, making sure nobody got on the highway. Ooh, buddy, that'll cost ya. Pay back all those local PDs for their wasted time. Pay back all those commuters you inconvenienced. Pay back each and every victim of a crime in that area, committed while the cops were busy chasing your fool self around.

How 'bout this? Everybody sue him. Each driver that couldn't get on the interstate because of this guy's selfishness? Sue him for 50 dollars. Every single one of them. All ten thousand of them. Of course, you have to add your attorney costs, and time lost at court pursuing your lawsuit. Every employer who lost money because their employees couldn't get back from lunch? Sue The Moron. Every accident that happened on side streets because the interstate was closed. Sue The Moron.

Now, I'm still my anti-frivolous-lawsuit self, but in this case I'll make an exception.

And how 'bout some traffic fines? Running from the cops, possible possession-of-a-stolen-vehicle aside, how about writing him a ticket for every illegal lane change? I saw him go over the lines at least a hundred times. At least. Was his blinker on for every one of those lane changes? Start writing some tickets. I know he broke the speed limit several times. I know waving your hands (or feet, or whole friggin' body) out of the car is reckless driving, correct? More tickets. Shoot, get him for each time he slowed down to 20 miles an hour- minimum speed on an interstate's 45, buddy.

Give him traffic tickets for $20,000 and lawsuits for $100,000 and see how many more Morons we see in the future.

Oh, and crash the car into him to get him to stop, and then charge him for a new squad car, too.

...

I'm tired. Almost done, though.

Yeah, that's about it, for now. I'm gonna post this "as is", and proof the thing later- I'm getting eyestrain, and this took way too long to write. I might edit it, or change some stuff around, or add a bit, or whatever- later on.

Yup.

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